The Evolution (Or Devolution) Of Rickety Cricket

Preist, Street Urchin, Kettle Drum Player, Street Rat, and so much more.

Cricket’s story arc might be the most complex and extreme of any character on It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia. He is one poor soul with so many ailments and looks that it deserves to be looked at again.

It all started quite Godly…

Cricket began his Always Sunny journey as young handsome Priest before that GODDAMN BIRD twisted him and whispered sweet nothings in his ear while in the confessional.

We next see Cricket the Street Urchin. Living on the streets for the first time, Cricket falls for Dee once again and agrees to help her and Charlie score some coke. This clearly ended horribly and lead to another version of Cricket.

Cricket the Kettle Drum Player arose in a failed attempt to get Charlie and Dee some cocaine. Instead of giving Dee and Charlie the coke, Cricket instead took it for himself and became lost in making it “sexy” with the “kettle drums” that take the form of trash cans. Because if you don’t make it sexy, you don’t eat apparently. Never forget “HIPS AND NIPS!” Unfortunately Cricket, in a classic mix up, got mixed up with the mafia and came away from it with broken legs, but not a broken spirit.

Cricket might be a lot of things, but a quitter is not one of them.

Cricket the Bionic Dancer!  In an ultimate test of resilience, Cricket puts on some bionic legs and attempts to dance his ass off with the Waitress to win the bar.  However, within 3 seconds of a dance off with Mac, Crickets technology fails him and he is forced to take up arms with Frank, which never ends well.

All healed up, Cricket becomes the Street Rat. He’s not looking great and is rocking a goatee, but he still looks decently healthy. Once again fooled by a promise of a Bird date, Cricket becomes a hunted man.  Mac and Dennis hunt Cricket all over Philly where they witness all of the Street Rat skills that Cricket has picked up.

This adaptation of Cricket starts off promising! This is Cleaned Up Cricket.  We see the Street Rat with a new hair cut and clean clothes.  This was all short lived…

Enter Terrorist Cricket!  This sand tossing, dirty wrestling Cricket has some immediate success but is ultimately foiled by “Trash Man” Frank’s alter ego in the ring. Cricket is left on the stage bleeding out from the jugular after Frank clips him with a trash can. Would this be enough to end a former man of God turned Street Rat?

Shit no! Cricket takes hits like a college stoner…both figuratively and literally. Conned once again, Cricket agrees to come on the Gang’s new radio show for some chicken, however when he gets there he is given lemons instead.  Beggars can’t be choosers you Street Rat! With his neck healed after being infected, Cricket now has a raspy voice and a wound that is very sexually appealing to street dogs. So lets call this Radio Voice Cricket. But hey, at least he hasn’t been shot yet!

Shit! Spoke too soon. Bunker Cricket is found in Frank’s storm bunker and as he is rustling around in the dark ends up being shot in the hand by, who else, Frank. A hand wound would never kill the Cricket however.

Holy shit! Cricket some how became some kind of mix between Priest Cricket and Cleaned Up Cricket again. Or did he? Cleaned up and a priest again, Cricket shows up to the class reunion giving people hugs and blessings. But, as the old saying goes, “once a street rat, always a street rat”, Cricket has actually been stealing everyones shit. When caught by other classmates, it is revealed that Cricket is not only still very much a street rat, but also has Ringworm! How pleasant.

Remember the whole dogs being sexually attracted to Crickets wound thing?

Cricket becomes a Dog Catcher! Sweet revenge for Cricket! After revealing that his new scar over his eye was due to a recent skirmish w/ a stray chocolate lab, Cricket tells the Gang that he catches and puts down dogs. Later, we find out that actually Cricket just cleans up dog shit. So really Cricket is a “Dog Janitor”

Jedi Cricket! Turns out Cricket wears a Jedi cloak to hide his half burned face from a thanksgiving get together that the Gang has no recollection of him being present for.

Kurt Cobain Cricket! This version of Cricket looks pretty terrible but still gets drawn by Charlie like one of his french girls. Cricket’s explanation of the painting of him creeps everyone out, obviously, because its about him being in a dog orgy.

I don’t want to do any season 12 Spoilers, so I will just leave you a couple pictures of the latest Cricket incarnations and let the people who haven’t see the latest season make up their own story until they watch.


WOW! Could this be IN LOVE Cricket! Who knows? You will have to watch.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *



No Earlier Than October 2018…Pass Me The Spray Paint!

Glenn Howerton AMA

Glenn Howerton Does an AMA and Answers Your Biggest Questions